Ronald Leroy Gransbury R.I.P

As I've mentioned before, Brogan's Dad passed away almost 3 years ago after a 9 year battle with Muscular Sclerosis. Not a day goes by that Ronnie doesn't cross Brogan's mind. He misses him so badly :( Unfortunately for me, I never got to meet him, but in a strange way I feel like I know him still. His photo hangs on our wall in our front room and at times, I swear I feel his presence. When Saije is in her crib and starts hysterically giggling for no reason, it really makes me wonder if she's closer to him than we think.

 On February 1st, during Brogan's week off, I asked him why he'd never taken me to his Dad's grave. It's only a few minutes away at the Paul Cemetary. He just looked at me and said "Because it's hard for me to go, but I will. Today." There really aren't words to describe how much his Dad's passing affected him after years and years of being his primary caretaker. He bathed him, he cooked for him, he helped him use the restroom, he cleaned the house, he paid the bills, and played "Dad" to his younger sister Kayla all from a young age of like 14 because Ronnie had become paralyzed and couldn't walk any longer. When you dedicate so much of your life to someone and you support them 100% for so long, you really become attached. You even mention Ronnie's name and Brogan tears up. My heart breaks every time too because I know Brogan would give ANYTHING to have his Dad back for even just a day.

The 3 year anniversary of his passing is coming up on April 25th. I just looked at the calendar and realized Brogan will be home on his week off during that. THANK GOODNESS! Last year he was working in North Dakota away from his entire family and had to go through the grieving and memories all alone in a hotel room. He said it was the worst day of his life! As you can imagine, excrutiating depression set in and he had to do it alone. That was a month before he met me. I've told him, and I will continue to tell him, that he doesn't ever have to do it alone ever again! I'll always be by his side no matter what.

Before we left the cemetary, Brogan wanted a few quiet moments to himself with his Dad so I loaded up the kids into the truck and let him be. Watching him stand over his Dad's grave and bow his head, opened the watergates for me. I sat in the truck and bawled! It was such a special moment to see him carry on a conversation with Ronnie and tell him how much he loved and misses him. Pretty undescribable actually...I don't know what it's like to lose a parent, but to lose one parent to death and the other parent to prison is more than I can possible fathom. Brogan is so strong. He's had the choice to turn to drugs like his Mom and become a piece of crap person and father and blame it all on his trials, but he doesn't. He's consciously chosen to be an amazing Father, a dedicated (soon-to-be) Husband, and a uplifting and selfless individual. He'd give the shirt off his back to anyone who needs it. I feel extremely blessed to have such an incredible man in my life. Just goes to show that "good things fall a part so better things can come together."

Ronnie-

Although we have never met in this life, I feel like you are always near and I feel like I've known you my whole life. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for leading your son in my direction. The timing was awkward, but I know you had a huge part in bringing us together. You should be so proud of your son for the kind of person he has become. Most importantly, the kind of Father your son has become. Please continue to watch over us and allow us to feel your presence. I love you Ronnie!

Love,

Jayne